Can anxiety be person-specific?

[NoPinkPanther]

Do any of you have anxiety attacks just by being around a specific person that you find stressful?

[kevin]

I've had anxiety by myself, in large groups, and in small groups. Around people I know, don't know, and don't want to know.

[jitters]

Yes my step father and my wives parents. Also anyone I have had an arguement with or cant look in the eye like my ex employers trigger an anxiety response.

Duncan

[NoPinkPanther]

Ugh.. I am feeling so guilty about this. One of my children has a social skills deficit (may be similar to Asperger's Syndrome but I haven't had him formally tested yet), and I am wondering if coping with that situation daily has contributed to my anxiety. I LOVE him so much, and I am doing my very best to help teach him how to behave, but sometimes it gets really hard for me because some of the situations we get into are pretty embarrassing. I think that some of my anxiety surfaces when he and I go somewhere in public (and we go to classes together every day, like gymnastics and skating -- because I homeschool him), because he often says insulting things to people without meaning to.

I really find it very hard to imagine (or plain old shameful, maybe) that one's own child could contribute to some of one's anxiety, but it may actually be true. I wonder if this is similar to the stress on someone who gives full-time care to someone with mental challenges. No one wants to admit that sometimes taking full-time care of someone with real challenges takes its toll because it isn't a politically correct thing to say.

Anyway, just thought I would share that since I am being totally open and vulnerable in this forum.

It's acceptable to say your in-laws make you anxious (there are even bumper stickers to that effect) but inadmissible to admit the stress your child might contribute to. Hmmm...

I think that my plan to get a break from my parents some evenings is a good one. And the encouraging thing is that my son can learn to improve his social behaviors, so our outings together will get less stressful for him and me in time.

[Jeordie]

NoPinkPanther, sorry to hear of your situation. I too have a family member which makes me anxious, actually two: my dad and my brother. I used to live with both of them till the latter got married recently. Now I rarely see him, but my dad is still here. He has Parkinson and he's the first person I see every day for years.

It is difficult to deal with this, and in some sense it could be the origin of my anxiety, psychosomatic symptoms, anger, and all. He should be independent, he has movement problems but for the rest, he can take care of himself. I never wanted to be his nurse, but just looking at him - I'm doing it now - gives me a great pain. Walking with him down the street embarassed me tremendously in the past - he couldn't move and I would stand close to him and then, suddenly, he starts running because he can't stop moving - that's the way he walks, and all the people staring at him, and then me, would just kill me. This could have contributed to my social anxiety, and fear of being judged.

This is something I can't change, I'm still gonna see my dad every day, and it's painful. I tried to move out but it didn't work, it's still not time for me. Sometimes I feel trapped.
Of course I wouldn't be that anxious and my life would be more "normal", if my dad didn't do some violent things to me in the past and he didn't have Parkinson or coped with it in a different way. He doesn't give a shit to the pain of the rest of the family - he just complains he's ill and we should respect him, like a baby. It's almost unbearable at times.

So, sometimes, I think my dad made my life much more complicated, but as I try to forgive him, I still feel rage towards him from time to time.
And of course, people outside don't easily understand. And I know I have nothing less than them.

My brother, then, is another story...but he's less influential now.

Let's keep strong, that's all I could say -

[jitters]

NoPinkPanther, of course your son and his condition contribute to your anxiety. This dosen't mean you are a bad person or dont love him. In fact it means quite the oppsite if you didn't worry about him or look after him regardless of his illness, then you should feel guilty. But you do regardless of your own problems, this makes you a very brave very good person. Dont be so hard on yourself we all worry about our children, the birth of my first child triggered my first anxiety attacks.

Duncan

[NoPinkPanther]

I really appreciate all of your support. Thanks for listening! Whew. It's out. I feel a sense of relief, like even the most vulnerable part about me is acceptable here. :)