Bad anxiety ruining life pelase help

[87CAMARO]

Hi everyone, im new to this site but not leaving, Fisrt let me start out how this started, i am currently 17 years old, 5' 10" 175 lbs. about 4 years ago I had a panic attack out of no where, my first one, this included major chest pins and impending death. Ever since that day i wold have an attack at night, i was afraid of being alone at night for some reason. This all started after my fathers leg surgery was botched and he got blood clots. I started to feel pains in my leg thinking i had blood clots myself, he would get chest pains, i would get them too every pain he had i had. Ive been in and out of the hospital, had numerous tests done (my doctors said i was in 100% perfect health) this included x rays, ekg's blood tests, echograms. They said i couldent be in better shape. But i kept on worrying, this dident help one bit. ive visited doctors, physhyatrists, nothing helped, ive taken zoloft, and buspar. But the meds made me feel weird so i ended them. Now, years later i keep having constant reaccouring problems, i visited this website: "anxietycentre (website)"and read the symptoms, and my jaw dropped. i had literly, no lie, about 95% of those things. One of the most recent is this derealization/depersonalisation feeling, everything feels weird. Years ago, i used to have attacks, at night only, now i get these symptoms all day, all day long i am dizzy i feel so weird like at a mall, it feels like nothing is normal like im embarassed about anything and everything and now have more and more symptoms every day and i just cant get over ttelling myself that theres nothign wrong with me. I love working on cars i always have but i have no willpower anymore. I want to go out and do something i lvoe, so i sit in the house and say to myself "Ok let go c'mon i gotta do this" but then i just think to myself "Why? Whats it matter?" and sit there watching tv. I sometimes have headaches and neck and back pains, but for 2 days now ive had this pain, only when i move my head or strain, its pretty local on one side of my head, but it moves slightly throughout the day, randomly. Lets say ill bend over, or turn my head or strain or get up quickly ill get a zap in the side of my head or behind my eye or neer my temple, its got me so worried looking up information on anyuresms (my dad has alot of head pains too wich makes me have them also) and brain tumors, this is ghoing to sound stupid, but, im constantly checking my spit and inside my nose to see if im bleeding to death or somehting. Does anyoe else have these problems? I dont want to go to doctors and take pills, i just want 100% reassurance that theres nothing wrong. I just dont know what to do anymore, theres no stoping it. All of my problems have bcome an all day thing, not just atacks anymore. :(

[V for Victor]

Judging from the fact that when your father has a pain or complication, you end having a similar pain, it sounds like you take cues easily, or in other words, are very susceptible to the power of suggestion.

So of course the first rule is stay away from research. Most of us on here have learned that research is either very helpful or very harmful. If it makes you more worried, try not to do it.

If every doctor you've seen says you're in perfect health, then there isn't a real physical problem wrong with you. However, I can't give you 100% assurance that there ISN'T anything wrong with you, because it sounds like your anxiety has become a crippling thing. It's taking over your life, and you've got to fight it. Your anxiety IS the problem.

I know you said you don't wanna go to the doctor and don't wanna try pills, but it might be a good idea. Going on medication will help you get ontop of this thing, and in combination with therapy, you can learn to overcome your anxiety.

I didn't want to go on pills at first, but eventually I did, and I have no regrets. And remember, you won't necessarily have to be on them forever. The doc may just wanna put you on them for 12 months or so and see if you can learn to cope with the anxiety enough to come back off the medication.

[jitters]

V for Victor has got it right as usual. Try the meds if you think you can, Definatly seek therapy it can help immensly with the symptoms. The fact you know the trauma which triggered the illness will help a lot with recovery. It sound trite but try making a journal of your symptoms, when they occur, what you ate prior to the symptoms, your thoughts and feelings etc. DONT SHOW IT TO ANYONE. Except perhaps the therapist. Be honest with yourself and it can become an invaluable treatment tool, spoting foods which trigger your anxiety, bad thoughts or feelings, personal issues etc. as well as allowing you to know exactly how you felt after the fact as we have a tendancy to forget.

You will never get 100% reassurance that their is nothing physically wrong with you, Because anxiety is a physical disease just like blood clots and if you let it can be just as crippling. Laughter and smiling do help. As does visiting site like this were others genuinly understand what you are going through.

Duncan