Aimee Singer
04-24-2012, 11:39 AM
Hello everyone, my name is Aimee and I'm 21 years old and live in Hawaii. I am "relatively" new to this whole anxious life-style, and the first panic attack I had was two years ago. I know some people have been suffering with anxiety for decades, so it sounds kind of selfish of me to imply that I've been dealing with it forever. My recovery process has been a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs. I will mentally crash and burn, and then am able to drag myself out of that hole, and a few months later I'll somehow find myself in that hole again.
I guess I should give a little back history of how this all started. Me and my boyfriend of four years now, were going on a trip to California so I could meet his friends and family back home. At the time I was working two jobs and was all round kicking ass in life. There were a lot of outside stressors going on in my life at the time (I had to quit one of my jobs to even go on the trip, nerves about meeting his family, my own family problems at home etc.) but either way I was doing great! I was excited to go on my first trip without my parents! But I made the mistake of getting McDonalds when we stopped over in Los Angeles ..... and it gave me the worst case of food poisoning I've ever felt. I literally was throwing up the entire two more flights we had left. Even after I puked all the food out, the dry heaving just wouldn't stop. I just felt like everyone was watching me, and within seconds the airport seemed to look so big and everyone was so stressed and busy getting ready for their flights, so I felt like no one could help me. Then those all too familiar panic attack symptoms came.
So yes, food poisoning with a mixture of some nervous energy resulted in two years of me questioning my sanity, and asking that all too familiar question in my mind "Am I coping?". My whole life I've always kind of been a control freak, so just that feeling of me losing control of my body and mind, made me question EVERYTHING in life. Before that moment, I was cocky and maybe a little too over confident. I used to think I was completely invinsible, and if you knew me in my teen years you would know about how many of the risks I've taken without caring what so ever. So that one single moment in time, turned me into a new person. The confidence I had turned into doubt, the care-free nature of mine turned into obsessive worrying and it's been a vicious cycle that's been hard to break.
These past six months or so I've been doing really good, I was able to pack on some more weight, and overall I just felt confident and happy with myself. These past two years I haven't been able to hold up a job. Just the thought of going somewhere where I am REQUIRED to stay there for a certain amount of time would make me have a panic attack. In the past month my family found out we are all moving to another state, and not only another state but we have the cross the pacific ocean too! (I live in Hawaii by the way, and we're moving to Colorado mid-June) And surprisingly when my parents hit me with the news, I wasn't nervous I was estatic! For the first time in two years was I honestly excited to get a job, get my own place, go back to school and I had no doubts in my ability to do them either. I thought, I must be all better now! So since we've found out about the move the rest of my family has been stressing and I've been pretty calm about it. Everyone was stressing out so much that I thought it might be a good idea for me to go out and get a job so I can help out with the money aspect of it. So I got hired somewhere and even worked there for two days!! Then the night before my first long shift (Thursday night) the whole family gets food poisoning or some sort of stomach bug. Everyone was sick as a dog, but I got it the worst and was throwing up for most of the day. But instead of just calling in sick saying I had food poisoning, I kept obsessing and obsessing on how bad I felt that I had a full blown panic attack and found myself in the hospital. It just sucks because the sickness, has made me feel more on edge and anxious and that feeling that we all know too well "I don't think I can cope anymore" kind of feeling and ..... to be honest guys, I'm feeling a little crazy at the moment.
And has anyone tried quitting smoking and/or weed with anxiety? I know I will feel better when I have them both out of my system, but I guess I've been nervous about the journey of how to get there.
Nice to meet you all. I hope to hear from you soon.
I guess I should give a little back history of how this all started. Me and my boyfriend of four years now, were going on a trip to California so I could meet his friends and family back home. At the time I was working two jobs and was all round kicking ass in life. There were a lot of outside stressors going on in my life at the time (I had to quit one of my jobs to even go on the trip, nerves about meeting his family, my own family problems at home etc.) but either way I was doing great! I was excited to go on my first trip without my parents! But I made the mistake of getting McDonalds when we stopped over in Los Angeles ..... and it gave me the worst case of food poisoning I've ever felt. I literally was throwing up the entire two more flights we had left. Even after I puked all the food out, the dry heaving just wouldn't stop. I just felt like everyone was watching me, and within seconds the airport seemed to look so big and everyone was so stressed and busy getting ready for their flights, so I felt like no one could help me. Then those all too familiar panic attack symptoms came.
So yes, food poisoning with a mixture of some nervous energy resulted in two years of me questioning my sanity, and asking that all too familiar question in my mind "Am I coping?". My whole life I've always kind of been a control freak, so just that feeling of me losing control of my body and mind, made me question EVERYTHING in life. Before that moment, I was cocky and maybe a little too over confident. I used to think I was completely invinsible, and if you knew me in my teen years you would know about how many of the risks I've taken without caring what so ever. So that one single moment in time, turned me into a new person. The confidence I had turned into doubt, the care-free nature of mine turned into obsessive worrying and it's been a vicious cycle that's been hard to break.
These past six months or so I've been doing really good, I was able to pack on some more weight, and overall I just felt confident and happy with myself. These past two years I haven't been able to hold up a job. Just the thought of going somewhere where I am REQUIRED to stay there for a certain amount of time would make me have a panic attack. In the past month my family found out we are all moving to another state, and not only another state but we have the cross the pacific ocean too! (I live in Hawaii by the way, and we're moving to Colorado mid-June) And surprisingly when my parents hit me with the news, I wasn't nervous I was estatic! For the first time in two years was I honestly excited to get a job, get my own place, go back to school and I had no doubts in my ability to do them either. I thought, I must be all better now! So since we've found out about the move the rest of my family has been stressing and I've been pretty calm about it. Everyone was stressing out so much that I thought it might be a good idea for me to go out and get a job so I can help out with the money aspect of it. So I got hired somewhere and even worked there for two days!! Then the night before my first long shift (Thursday night) the whole family gets food poisoning or some sort of stomach bug. Everyone was sick as a dog, but I got it the worst and was throwing up for most of the day. But instead of just calling in sick saying I had food poisoning, I kept obsessing and obsessing on how bad I felt that I had a full blown panic attack and found myself in the hospital. It just sucks because the sickness, has made me feel more on edge and anxious and that feeling that we all know too well "I don't think I can cope anymore" kind of feeling and ..... to be honest guys, I'm feeling a little crazy at the moment.
And has anyone tried quitting smoking and/or weed with anxiety? I know I will feel better when I have them both out of my system, but I guess I've been nervous about the journey of how to get there.
Nice to meet you all. I hope to hear from you soon.