okami1995
04-20-2012, 04:14 PM
Why can't I stop feeling bad about things. I know I've made stupid mistakes, some terrible mistakes, some ridiculous mistakes, but come on, they're still just mistakes. Are you listening self, I sure hope so, because I'm tired of this shit. Seriously, even though I have a volunteer job, it's only on one day of the week. The rest of the week I'm left to stew on the past. I'm bored, I'm jealous of all my friends who have gone on to enjoy their lives, while I'm just stuck, dwelling on the bad things I've done, dwelling on the past friends who have now gone separate ways. I'd like to fondly remember my old friends, but I don't want to dwell on them forever. I need to move on myself, make some more friends, do things with my life. But instead, here I am, stuck, with no way to escape until September. That's five months down the line, and until then, there's nothing I can do. I remember how happy I was in the last two years of my school life. I had friends, I could cope with bullies better, I was just generally happy. I guess that's why I'm dwelling on those times. I was happy so recently in the grand scheme of things, but now I'm stuck in a pit of despair. Anxiety, guilt, shame, depression, reminiscing about the past. I just want to get away from it all, to leave it far behind, but for the next five months I'm stuck like this, and there's not a single goddamn thing I can do about it.