Simon
01-14-2007, 12:44 PM
Hi everyone. While this topic may seem silly to most of you, I assure you that I am dead serious about it. Any input you can give would be greatly appreciated.
One of the ways my anxiety manifests itself is by causing me to speak inappropriately. I don't mean swearing or slurring my words. I mean talking too much about things that bother me.
For example: Let's say that I have just attended a meeting where I suddenly feel that my job (as it now exists) is threatened with change and that I may have to work with someone instead of alone. Suddenly, my heart is beating fast and my mouth develops a mind of its own. I go up to someone and say something inappropriate like, "Well, I guess there goes my job!" or I go up to someone that would be involved in the change and say something stupid like, "Well, you won't be needing me anymore. I may as well starting looking for a new job now." I've even said such stupid things as, "Well, I'm a goner, I may as well just hang myself now." All the while these things are happening, I am telling myself to shut up, but I am so anxious and I've been doing this for so long that I can't stop myself before it gets blurted out. It all happens so fast, I can't catch it. Needless to say everyone thinks I'm weird and I walk away feeling absolutely humiliated. Any time I feel remotely threatened, I'm likely to act like this. It can be about anything that I feel threatened by, my local basketball team losing a game, my wife leaving me, my health, anything that in any way makes me anixious.
I have tried everything from making notes that I stick on my phone at work telling me to shut up to trying to identify triggers and catch it before it starts happening, to having a reminder pop up on my computer screen every 15 minues telling me to control myself. Nothing works! I don't have or have never developed the meains of keeping my anxiety to myself. Folks, I can be sitting at a meeting and telling myself over and over again in my mind not to speak, and it still happens. I watch myself make a fool of myself. Needless to say, no one ever wants to be around me because I am "volatile" and likely to say something stupid or controversial. It becomes so humilitating, I just want to crawl in a hole and die. I'm starting to run out of excuses for myself.
If I could conquer this - come to terms with it - find a way to control it in public, whatever - I could change my life. I know I could. I've been looking for an answer for a lot of years (a lot of years) and everytime I think I have found something, it turns out to be another dumb idea that didn't work. I have talked to a phychologist and psychiatrist about this and they tell me they have no answers other than increase the dose of medicine over and over again.
I don't know if anyone has ever had this kind of problem, but I am honestly open to any suggestions - short of shooting myself, which I feel like doing most of the time - but have never tried to do.
Anyway, thanks for letting me rant. I apologize for the length of this.
SJ
One of the ways my anxiety manifests itself is by causing me to speak inappropriately. I don't mean swearing or slurring my words. I mean talking too much about things that bother me.
For example: Let's say that I have just attended a meeting where I suddenly feel that my job (as it now exists) is threatened with change and that I may have to work with someone instead of alone. Suddenly, my heart is beating fast and my mouth develops a mind of its own. I go up to someone and say something inappropriate like, "Well, I guess there goes my job!" or I go up to someone that would be involved in the change and say something stupid like, "Well, you won't be needing me anymore. I may as well starting looking for a new job now." I've even said such stupid things as, "Well, I'm a goner, I may as well just hang myself now." All the while these things are happening, I am telling myself to shut up, but I am so anxious and I've been doing this for so long that I can't stop myself before it gets blurted out. It all happens so fast, I can't catch it. Needless to say everyone thinks I'm weird and I walk away feeling absolutely humiliated. Any time I feel remotely threatened, I'm likely to act like this. It can be about anything that I feel threatened by, my local basketball team losing a game, my wife leaving me, my health, anything that in any way makes me anixious.
I have tried everything from making notes that I stick on my phone at work telling me to shut up to trying to identify triggers and catch it before it starts happening, to having a reminder pop up on my computer screen every 15 minues telling me to control myself. Nothing works! I don't have or have never developed the meains of keeping my anxiety to myself. Folks, I can be sitting at a meeting and telling myself over and over again in my mind not to speak, and it still happens. I watch myself make a fool of myself. Needless to say, no one ever wants to be around me because I am "volatile" and likely to say something stupid or controversial. It becomes so humilitating, I just want to crawl in a hole and die. I'm starting to run out of excuses for myself.
If I could conquer this - come to terms with it - find a way to control it in public, whatever - I could change my life. I know I could. I've been looking for an answer for a lot of years (a lot of years) and everytime I think I have found something, it turns out to be another dumb idea that didn't work. I have talked to a phychologist and psychiatrist about this and they tell me they have no answers other than increase the dose of medicine over and over again.
I don't know if anyone has ever had this kind of problem, but I am honestly open to any suggestions - short of shooting myself, which I feel like doing most of the time - but have never tried to do.
Anyway, thanks for letting me rant. I apologize for the length of this.
SJ