I Need help :( coping with panic disorder and unbelievable stress

[lmgibson87]

Hi everyone,
My name is laura and I'm new to this board. I'm a 24 year old female, I'm in law school and waitress and have a full time internship. I have panic disorder and a.d.d and can usually mange pretty well, I have a great counselor and usually I'm a pretty strong independent person as I've been thru a lot . I don't have a lot of people I'm close too, just lot of acquaintances so I don't have many people to talk with. Lately I am feeling like I'm going to lose it though.. I am completely exhausted from my schedule and I work all the time. My panic is through the roof and it's getting to the point where I am dreading going to sleep at night because I know I will be panicking all night and that I will only get 4 or 5 hrs sleep which will then make the next day just as terrible and exhausting..I have never been an agoraphobic but I'm beginning to absolutely dread being anywhere but my room or a my boyfriends apartment. I got unexpectedly pregnant in august 2011 with my bf at he time who I go law school with. We decided to keep the baby and were planning on getting married. In October when I was 12 weeks, we found out the baby had no heartbeat and ad passed away but i hadn't miscarried...and I had to go almost a week before getting the operation. It was unbelievably devastating and shortly after my bf at the time left me because my horrible anxiety (and because he was an asshole) . Anyway the baby was supposed to be due in a few weeks and I had been doing pretty well despite e circumstances until recently. I had been having panic attacks rarely (1 or 2 x a month) but now I have what seems o be a constant feeling of dread and fear of the next panic attack (daily at least). I have a wonderful boyfriend now who I am probably freaking out with all of my issues but he is amazing and always there for me. I just feel like I'm living constant fear of having an attack and losing my mind and on top of my school, finals coming up, my internship, job, and my lost little one's due date coming up I don't know if I can handle this.. I want to crawl in a hole :( does anyone have any suggestions on how to get through everything right now? Its too much ...
* I take Xanax .5 as needed which is becoming 2x. Day now which I do not like (I'm also a hypochondriac and obsess about my health )

[lblanchard]

I recently had a miscarriage as well. It was shortly after I had and emergency appendectomy. I was 7 1/2 weeks pregnant and that is when all my anxiety began. I have been having such a hard time coping with the constant feeling that I am going to die. I have seen more doctors in the last 2 months than in my whole life combined. I have an amazing husband who supports me through it. But at the same time I know he doesn't understand it. If you are having panic attacks constantly I would talk to your doctor about getting on a different drug than Xanax. As xanax is so addictive. I was only on .5 for 3 months for night time panic attacks and I can't tell you how horrible the withdrawals were from just that short of use. I haven't had a good night sleep in 2 months either. My suggestion is to take some benedryl and try to sleep. I have found the nights where I get sleep are the days where I actually can function. Good luck to you. And know you aren't alone.

[gemmaes89]

Although I can't even imagine the loss of losing your little one, I can relate to your feelings of anxiousness and panic.

I'm 22, in my last year of my degree and the only thing between me and graduation is a ten week placement. Ive put this off for two years now. Every panic attack i have destroys any confidence I have in my ability to perform on prac, and I've been finding that the only way I'm able to sleep most nights is by convincing myself that the only way to get through this is by giving up on my studies (since all my anxiety stems from this) which is ridiculous, I'm ten weeks away from a degree! I don't sleep, my stomach is so knotted up I don't eat, and i both want to be surrounded by people and alone at the same time. It feels like I can't win.

Despite my panic though, I'm determined to get through it. I will not let my panic stop me from achieving the things I want in life. As freaking hard it is sometimes, as many tears I may shed, as much as I want to hide away from the world and crawl in a ball and die, I'm going to get through this. And you will to. We can do it together- one day a a time. I know that sounds so cliche, but I find that it's less overwhelming if I just concentrate on the day ahead. I write a list of things to do, I do them, most often by the point I'm done I'm obsessing over what more I could be doing, so I spend some tome doing the stupid breathing techniques that counsellors tell me to do. Just today I started journey long about how I'm feeling. I don't have time to exercise, or at least my obsessions with my study make me feel like I dont, so I bought a skipping rope and twice a day I will go outside and skip as fast as i can for as long as i can- it really helps.

One of the worst things for me with all this anxiety is not having anyone to talk to about. Well not people to talk to exactly, but people who understand what i'm going through. If you ever need someone to talk to who understands how you're feeling, dont hesitate to contact me... I know I would love to have someone to talk to about my own anxiety. It's a great support that I think all sufferers need.

[lmgibson87]

Thanks to both of you for the quick responses. I really appreciate both of your kind words and advice. I haven't talked to anyone else who is in similar situations or have gone through anything like I have so I feel really alone most of the time. You're right gemmaes89, it really is one of the worst parts just feeling alone and not having someone who understands. And I don't even try to find someone who does, I'm kind of a control freak (I'm sure you can understand it sounds like you are a hard worker too) and I never ask for help and try to deal with most things on my own. Sometimes I don't even tell my therapist how bad I am because I want to look like I have it all together or at least am working on it! And Lblanchard I am so sorry for your loss too :( It's the hardest thing I have ever been through and I never imagined it would bring my panic out so horribly. Sleeping is the worst so maybe I will try benadryl for now instead of xanax, thanks for the advice.

[Beautiful Disaster]

If you have a smart phone, one thing I did that seemed to help a little bit was downloading a bunch of relaxation/hypnosis/meditation-related apps. There's a bunch that help with sleep. Deep breathing provides a little relief too... but takes a little practice.

Me, personally, I had problems after trying to come off SSRI medication. After being back on medication for a couple months I'm finally starting to feel better. I have ativan (similar to xanax) that I've been taking as needed and it definitely helps but you shouldn't stay on those types of meds for too long since they're habit forming. Medication doesn't work for everyone and in some cases may just mask the underlying problem. But it also may help you get through this rough patch - you don't have to be on it forever.

Just remember that things WILL get better. I know it's hard to see through to the other side of this, but it's there. There's light at the end of the tunnel. :)

[alankay]

Has you doc advised a trial of an ssri? Alankay

[wanttoheal]

So sorry to hear about your loss and anxiety. I would find a good psychiatrist before trying anything over the counter. I too suffer severely from panic disorder and anxiety. I am currently taking klonopin which is like a longer acting xanax. These drugs aren't great for long term but if you're having a really rough time, sometimes the positives out weigh the negatives.
I think the hardest thing to avoid (other than the panic) is beating ourselves up. Which only makes things worse.
If you can find a good psychiatrist they can help you map out a game plan.
Know that you're not alone in your suffering. No matter how you slice it. Anxiety sucks!