The Viscious Cycle

[Jbrod1386]

Im 25 Yrs old and i have suffered from anxiety for over 3 years. there are days that i feel like falling asleep and never waking up if it means i no longer have to fight for sanity. But i cant because giving up never got u anything. I cant tell u when or how i got anxiety but ill always remember that first time. Sitting there...neck starts to sweat, nausea feeling, body feels extremely hot, ur insides start to shake, heart starts to pound and worst of all u feel like something terrible is wrong and then the anxiety attack turns into a panic attack which is a whole different ballpark. The thing is, to the visible eye ur fine, but u feel like ur dying.

Anxiety has taken control of my life. I cant go on vacations, eat at restaurants, go to movie theaters, to unfamiliar places. I have to have my car with me at all times, when and If i go out with friends and family its to one local bar that is 10 min from my house, huge inside and has 2 exits. My phone has to stay charged at all times.

I was so proud of myself because i felt like after a lifetime i was starting to feel better. I stopped going to my shrink, stopped taking the medicine. Started to venture outside my home. It wasn't easy at all but i forced myself little by little.

But now its back, but its different this time. I don't get the same symptoms as i use to. Instead i feel like I'm gonna dye at anytime. I know it sounds stupid but its true.

About 3 weeks ago i was woken up at 5am with excruciating chest pain. Now I've had these pains many times before, but this one time really freaked me out. My boyfriend was at work already so i was alone. I was shaking so bad i couldn't call him. Eventually i calmed down and went to bed. When i woke up the next morning its all i could think of, then the next day i called out of work bc i didn't feel too good. I had a relaxing day with my boyfriend and then at the end of it when i was a lone i freaked. I drove to my dads in tears telling him im losing my mind, that im having a panic attack and im not ok. The next wk i went to the doctor, got an EKG that came back good, Doc said my heart sounds good and my breathing sounds ok.

Ok so i freaked myself out more, but they why cant i stop thinking about dying? I still feel weird pressure or tightness, pinching and stabbing in my chest. Makes me wonder what else can be wrong.

I don't know what i did in my life that was so bad i was cursed with this, i always saw myself as a nice good hearted person. I want to be done with it all. Does anyone know how i can eliminate the anxiety for good?

[browneyemee65]

I know what you are saying and your story sounds like my life at this time. I was on paxil starting six years ago. Last year i thought i didnt need it anymore so i weaned myself off. About three months ago, i now realize was anxiety creeping back. Now its full blown with horrendous panic attacks. I started celexa last week and have xanax for the panic. It seems like i have a good day and then a few bad. I too took a day off work last week and felt awful. I have been a mess for my boyfriend. I hate being alone and driving is like torture. This awful illness ruins your life. I can only hope the meds start to work and i can get my life back. I am going to be a grandmother in july for the first time and want so much to enjoy it. This forum really helps and lets pray for an anxiety free tomorrow. Look forward to talking to you soon.
Karrie

[wanttoheal]

Hi -
I totally understand what you're going through. I was diagnosed with anxiety 25 years ago. I suffered for about 3 yrs. I took medication and worked very hard to push myself to do everything. It worked I had a good 20 years without medication and had a full life. Marriage, kids, travel etc.
3 years ago my symptoms came back with a vengeance. I was forced to take medication which made me sick. More meds made me more sick. During which my anxiety just got worse. Now my world is soooo small. Everyday is a fight. I don't know what happened to the person that I was.
I guess I'm writing to you to let you know you're not alone. It's such a sentence. In a way it's like being in prison.
Hope we both get our lives back one day :)

[browneyemee65]

I too want my life back. It seems like i dot know who i am anymore. It amazes me how it creeps up on you and then bam, you are someone you dont even know anymore. All you think about is when is the anxiety going to hit. I struggle every minute and sometimes wish i could just sleep forever. Now i have to try and get to work and cope today. Have a good anxiety free day.

[Jbrod1386]

I totally understand. I know that stress if a big factor and i have alot of stress. Between work and an alcoholic mom im a nervous reck! Im on medication and take it at night. I just want to be me again. I can say that there is a workbook ive done and it was so helpful the last time. U can get it on amazon. Its called the Panic Attack Workbook. It was really good. The doctor that wrote it was so right in so many ways.

Let me ask u both.... Have u ever known anyone who has died from anxiety or panic attacks?

[browneyemee65]

I can say for me. I have not

[wanttoheal]

No. My father is a physician and is ALWAYS reassuring me. When your symptomatic though and you're in the throes of a panic attack all rational goes out the window!

[CB17]

Ive been dealing with anxiety the past year and it was getting better, but the past few weeks have been getting worse. Was on meds, and little has helped.

understand the chest pains and difficulty breathing, it's no fun at all. Hoping for the best. Also want my life back.

[Jbrod1386]

Thank you all for the support. Yea i know i basically tricked myself out. Its just so hard to break the habit. Ive even started to think about going to school for psychology.

[Mysticsoul]

want to heal

I am in the same place as you - I tried to PM you but dont have enough posts yet - please contact me

[Mysticsoul]

duplicate sorry