abomino13
04-12-2012, 01:23 PM
Sharing what I learned with you all. I was born in the year nineteen hundred and seventy two, after the earthly death of our Lord. At present, my yearly count now ends with a zero which is preceded by a four. To some that makes me old, to others I may seem young. I have however learned some things over the years dealing with my anxiety, panic disorder, at at certain times depression and agoraphobia. So what have I learned:
- It is truly a condition and an illness. JUST GET BETTER isn't optional nor our choice.
- There is no cure NONE! Embrace it, its who you are but coping and managing in spite of it all is the true key.
- Never be ashamed of what you have or who you are. Never feel weak because of medication dependance. I have been on xanax 11 years. I will wear an effin t shirt that says so.
- Don't expect people to get it, and do not be sad they dont. Do not be sad when you feel the vacancy of friends who leave you as you become the strange one. Know you are actually really special (not in the slow class in middle school special) but that there is nobody like you anywhere else in this world.
-Find something to do that can help you cope (not cure) your issues. Write down your feelings, be it here or in your phone, on paper, call you own voicemail. I have tons of messages that say "Hey me, its me, this is how you are feeling but it will get better". Be creative in life. Most who have what we have are creative people..hence we got screwed with this all.
-KNOW YOUR LIMITS AND PROTECT THEM. I put that in caps because it took me a while to know that I could break. Ex military, I am always one for push more do more...even in this case. What I learned the hard way is there will be days the world does not work for you and it is ok. At times I can only do what it expected. Work and that is it....but if you let yourself know that its ok if that ends up being the case, then sometimes you find the pressure is off and you end up going to the store, or something else. Its the removal of the pressure we all feel to do NORMAL things, but many times when someone else wants us to do them.
-Become the selfish M.F. people may say you are. yes you read that right. Become the person referred to as that Mother F^cker if you must. How many times have you been told you were selfish because of your issues? THEN BE SO and with being selfish I challenge you to take CARE OF YOU FIRST. Have plans weeks in advance? the day comes and you are not feeling well and know that going forward with the plans will not make you feel good? F EM' its about you now. Have a friend buy you tickets to something or a family gathering....and then be told but you have to go...BUY WHY YOU ASK and you are told :"you just cant not go, you have to". I call bullshit to the tenth level (Is there a level higher than ten?) screw that noise. I have to work, die, pay taxes and not really in that order...other than that? NADA! Remember, you are the only you that you have, without you there is no you.
- Do not be Dominus Salvatorus (My latin is rusty so the spelling may be off) do not be the savior of everyone else. Jesus already got nailed to the damn cross, that was his job...not yours or mine. If I dont do this or that, I may have friends or family upset...quit saving people and NO MORE SELF SACRIFICE. Simply explain that you suffer from a condition that will not permit you to attend such said event, or entertain such said people for dinner (I have many times left the room and spent an entire evening in it when my house was full of people. Why? I AM NOT JESUS), you can explain you have (insert your issue(s) here) or simply explain the condition is called none of your damn business.
- There is no magic pill (Xanax is as close as I have come to what I consider a medication made by a God, however I have nothing to compare it to except ativan), no magic book, no dvd, no great Dr who will heal you. This is it, yes it sucks, we can adapt and overcome like good Marines do (okay take the marine part out but use the rest). As I said, this is your life now. Some days it will be normal and some days it will seem pitch effin black...but know this...YOU ARE NOT ALONE (yea like that helps when you are in the throws of an episode...feel free to tell me to fuck off on that one...nevermind..I just told myself for you)
-Go fishing someone told me. helps anxiety and stress. Sitting calmly watching the waters only to have people jump up when a little bulb move around? Not so much. it sucks ass.
- A man once told me take up hunting as it is sporting and challenging. I thought about this. Being in combat which I have been is fucked up but I would venture to say sporting as well. Enemies, both have weapons, may the best soldier (or insane middle eastern militia trained member) win. Now, to dress up in camo like you are a bad ass, stalk animals that have no weapon to shoot back and then shoot them? What is the hell is sporting about that? What type of coward things he is a bad ass. Usually its someone who wanted to see combat like I actually did, but instead play paintball and run around shooting rabbits and deers. Can you say what a jack ass. I can and have and ended up in fist fights over the topic.
- Do not kill yourself or attempt such. Write suicide notes (by the time you are done, many times the mood or feeling passes and you realize that was pretty fucked up. Do not throw them away though...keep them, they make great reading at a later date and once you have enough you can compare which would have been best.
-Visit a graveyard. Not in some gothic wear clothing from hot topic and listen to emo type way. Visit in a way that helps you realize...shit could be worse. Visit a cancer ward, walk thru, look at st judes hospital website at the poor children who would trade places with any of us no matter how shitty we think our own life is, as they are dying and trying to get make a wish.
-Block your number call a random cel number and leave someone a voicemail of your problems. It gets it off your chest to know someone who will never know you and cant judge you is listening...make your opening line good to hold their attention.
-If the mood strikes you and you are in a good place at the moment, do something good and selfless for someone else. It kinda makes up for all the times in my posts above when you tell the world to fuck off.
Well....that is all for now...carry on.
- It is truly a condition and an illness. JUST GET BETTER isn't optional nor our choice.
- There is no cure NONE! Embrace it, its who you are but coping and managing in spite of it all is the true key.
- Never be ashamed of what you have or who you are. Never feel weak because of medication dependance. I have been on xanax 11 years. I will wear an effin t shirt that says so.
- Don't expect people to get it, and do not be sad they dont. Do not be sad when you feel the vacancy of friends who leave you as you become the strange one. Know you are actually really special (not in the slow class in middle school special) but that there is nobody like you anywhere else in this world.
-Find something to do that can help you cope (not cure) your issues. Write down your feelings, be it here or in your phone, on paper, call you own voicemail. I have tons of messages that say "Hey me, its me, this is how you are feeling but it will get better". Be creative in life. Most who have what we have are creative people..hence we got screwed with this all.
-KNOW YOUR LIMITS AND PROTECT THEM. I put that in caps because it took me a while to know that I could break. Ex military, I am always one for push more do more...even in this case. What I learned the hard way is there will be days the world does not work for you and it is ok. At times I can only do what it expected. Work and that is it....but if you let yourself know that its ok if that ends up being the case, then sometimes you find the pressure is off and you end up going to the store, or something else. Its the removal of the pressure we all feel to do NORMAL things, but many times when someone else wants us to do them.
-Become the selfish M.F. people may say you are. yes you read that right. Become the person referred to as that Mother F^cker if you must. How many times have you been told you were selfish because of your issues? THEN BE SO and with being selfish I challenge you to take CARE OF YOU FIRST. Have plans weeks in advance? the day comes and you are not feeling well and know that going forward with the plans will not make you feel good? F EM' its about you now. Have a friend buy you tickets to something or a family gathering....and then be told but you have to go...BUY WHY YOU ASK and you are told :"you just cant not go, you have to". I call bullshit to the tenth level (Is there a level higher than ten?) screw that noise. I have to work, die, pay taxes and not really in that order...other than that? NADA! Remember, you are the only you that you have, without you there is no you.
- Do not be Dominus Salvatorus (My latin is rusty so the spelling may be off) do not be the savior of everyone else. Jesus already got nailed to the damn cross, that was his job...not yours or mine. If I dont do this or that, I may have friends or family upset...quit saving people and NO MORE SELF SACRIFICE. Simply explain that you suffer from a condition that will not permit you to attend such said event, or entertain such said people for dinner (I have many times left the room and spent an entire evening in it when my house was full of people. Why? I AM NOT JESUS), you can explain you have (insert your issue(s) here) or simply explain the condition is called none of your damn business.
- There is no magic pill (Xanax is as close as I have come to what I consider a medication made by a God, however I have nothing to compare it to except ativan), no magic book, no dvd, no great Dr who will heal you. This is it, yes it sucks, we can adapt and overcome like good Marines do (okay take the marine part out but use the rest). As I said, this is your life now. Some days it will be normal and some days it will seem pitch effin black...but know this...YOU ARE NOT ALONE (yea like that helps when you are in the throws of an episode...feel free to tell me to fuck off on that one...nevermind..I just told myself for you)
-Go fishing someone told me. helps anxiety and stress. Sitting calmly watching the waters only to have people jump up when a little bulb move around? Not so much. it sucks ass.
- A man once told me take up hunting as it is sporting and challenging. I thought about this. Being in combat which I have been is fucked up but I would venture to say sporting as well. Enemies, both have weapons, may the best soldier (or insane middle eastern militia trained member) win. Now, to dress up in camo like you are a bad ass, stalk animals that have no weapon to shoot back and then shoot them? What is the hell is sporting about that? What type of coward things he is a bad ass. Usually its someone who wanted to see combat like I actually did, but instead play paintball and run around shooting rabbits and deers. Can you say what a jack ass. I can and have and ended up in fist fights over the topic.
- Do not kill yourself or attempt such. Write suicide notes (by the time you are done, many times the mood or feeling passes and you realize that was pretty fucked up. Do not throw them away though...keep them, they make great reading at a later date and once you have enough you can compare which would have been best.
-Visit a graveyard. Not in some gothic wear clothing from hot topic and listen to emo type way. Visit in a way that helps you realize...shit could be worse. Visit a cancer ward, walk thru, look at st judes hospital website at the poor children who would trade places with any of us no matter how shitty we think our own life is, as they are dying and trying to get make a wish.
-Block your number call a random cel number and leave someone a voicemail of your problems. It gets it off your chest to know someone who will never know you and cant judge you is listening...make your opening line good to hold their attention.
-If the mood strikes you and you are in a good place at the moment, do something good and selfless for someone else. It kinda makes up for all the times in my posts above when you tell the world to fuck off.
Well....that is all for now...carry on.