Benzo addiction?

[Beautiful Disaster]

Hi everyone -

I started taking Prozac about 7 weeks ago - started on 10mg... 2 weeks later upped to 20mg... 2 weeks later upped to 40mg (where I am now). I am just now starting to feel it kicking in but I still have anxiety. While I've been waiting for it to fully kick in I've been taking Ativan as needed (.5 - 1mg total in a day... either .5mg once, 1mg once, or .5 twice). At first I would only need it every few days, but after having a few panic attacks the anticipatory anxiety got worse and I've been taking it pretty much every day the past 3 weeks or so and it has basically been a life saver. Now I'm having anxiety about getting addicted to it. Will the Prozac eventually get me to the point where I won't feel like I need it anymore? In the meantime I'm trying to work on deep breathing/relaxation/hypnosis/meditation exercises so I can learn how to calm myself down naturally. My therapist says if I keep practicing it will become 2nd nature and help calm my physical symptoms in addition to making my mind calm down (which is the biggest issue I have now - my physical anxiety symptoms are getting better, but I still feel like my brain is focusing on it and anticipating anxiety/panic).

Any thoughts/suggestions would be appreciated. :)

[Beautiful Disaster]

For example right now I'm fighting the urge to take the Ativan. I really want to be able to get along without it but I feel like it's the only thing lately that gets me feeling somewhat sane. I feel like from the time I wake up in the morning until the time I take the Ativan (either .5 or 1mg) I'm constantly fighting un-provoked anxiety. I think what's haunting me is the fear of having a panic attack, depersonalization (feeling like I'm outside my own body), and generally feeling like life isn't worth it. What's the point of it all?

Is this an indication that I'm starting a dependence on it or just that the Prozac hasn't kicked in enough to make me forget that I want to take it?

[bhamlaxy]

I'm in the EXACT same boat as you with ativan, but have not started any other medicine yet. Our anxiety symptoms are identical- fear of having a panic attack, depersonalization/derealization.

In about 3 weeks I took a total of 15mg of ativan, so .5-1mg a day. Never more than .5mg in one dose.

I've fought the desire to take it on a many occasions, and it felt good to get through it. It was a bit rocky, but 1. I didn't have a panic attack because I knew I had ativan on hand if things got real bad and 2. I showed myself I won't totally flip out if I don't take it.

I don't think you are becoming CHEMICALLY dependent on it, or addicted to it. The root anxiety hasn't been dealt with yet so you seek relief in the form of Ativan. Try and go without it, knowing you have it on hand if you REALLY freak out, and teach yourself that you don't have to have it every morning or every evening. A couple times without it and you will be able to say "I didn't take it and was fine!"

There are two things you need to be very careful of.
1) Upping your dose. If you start to find that .5mg doesn't do it anymore and start taking 1mg each time, or more, that's a bad sign that your body is becoming adjusted to it and you have been taking it for too long. Keep it low.
2) Extended use. Ideally Ativan should only be used when things get really bad, not as a daily or twice daily regular med. If you treat it like that, you are on your way to developing dependence and addiction to it.

[alankay]

In time the prozac should help you use less and less ativan. It does take time to work. Get to a stable dose of prozac and your anxiety should start to lower. I'd hold at 40 mg of prozac with "as needed" for the ativan but just try and use it as little as possible. I did it that way as my pdoc recommended and I did stabilize in time. .5 to 1 mg is a modest dose so don't worry about that just keep it there until you feel better. IMHO. Alankay.

[ladywillow]

I agree with alan

[Beautiful Disaster]

Thank you bhamlaxy, alankay and ladywillow for your responses. A few days ago it was light a lightbulb went off in my head and my brain hasn't been in that "constant on the verge of anxiety" state. *knock on wood*... i'm hoping it stays that way! It's been 4 weeks since I've been on the 40mg dose of prozac so maybe it's just now getting to the "right" level for me. I've still taken .5mg of ativan in the afternoons almost as a precaution because I just want to get a long streak of feeling good going so I don't worry as much about getting anxious. I'm seeing my pdoc next week so I'm hoping the upward trend continues and we'll have a plan for me weaning off the ativan and only using it as needed.

Thanks again for your advice and encouraging words. I really appreciate it! :)

[blueeydhtty]

I have been feeling the exact same way and I'm terrified. I don't know what to do

[bhamlaxy]

I have been feeling the exact same way and I'm terrified. I don't know what to do
Feeling the same way as in you have been taking benzos and are nervous about getting addicted?

Are you also coming on to an anti-depressant or other drug, or are you just using a benzo?
How many mg do you take, how many times a day?

While they may be addictive, some people take them for years and slowly taper off them safely. Short term, consistent use of a small dose really isn't that dangerous.

[alankay]

Bhamlaxy, you are 100% right on about a small dose of a benzo. There is just so much fear mongering from others that want to sell or push other "treatments"(namely.....theirs) for anxiety about benzos, which can deliver so much relief to those suffering from anxiety.
The key is to use them wisely and learn all about anxiety and self help treatments, counseling, education. etc, as well as meds. Benzos are a part of the treatment for many. Often with an addition of an ssri and counseling, lifestyle changes, reading, etc, you can lower your need for a benzo to an "as needed"/occasional basis which helps minimize reliance and tolerance to the med.
Popping them like candy.........is not the answer and it's good to get that word out there. Respect benzos...don't fear them. Alankay

[Beautiful Disaster]

Respect benzos...don't fear them. Alankay

My pdoc finally told me "You need to stop acting like you're taking a dirty pill" (referring to the Ativan). If I need it now, I need it. Eventually I won't, and they're working to get me there. He had me start taking .5mg of Ativan in the morning along with my Prozac and it really helps so the anxiety doesn't start building throughout the morning/afternoon.

Thanks everyone for the advice - I'm now going to respect the benzos instead of fearing them :)