longliveswift
04-09-2012, 02:53 PM
ive posted on so many anxiety forums, but nobody bothers to reply. i guess this is my last hope before i go crazy (if im not already).
im a 15 year old girl. i have a stable, loving family, and great friends. i have had no deaths in the family and nothing that i can think of that brought all this on.
im so paranoid about things going wrong with my body. for example, if i get a chest pain, i automatically think heart attack. stomach ache, pendicitus or something. headache, brain tumor. you get the point. im soooo scared of the possibility of me dying. the thought of me not existing tortures me, and is slowly driving me to the point where im starting to question why i should live. im also soooo scared whenever i go to the doctors - even when i went up for a routine medication check up a few weeks ago, my heart was racing cus i was so anxious that he would find something wrong with me, even though he wasnt physically checking me. i had a kidney operation when i was 8 months old cus i have a kidney that only works 30%, and i do have to have check ups every few years or so, but the older i get the more scared i am when i go. that applies to all of this, getting older just makes all this worse and worse. my parents say that the doctors were saying that (before i was born) i wud have heart and lung problems (but that wudnt happen) and that i wouldnt live past the age of 20. i dunno if that as had an effect, i cant really tell. i just cant take it anymore. i know that some time in the future i will have to go back to the hosital and docs, and i just shudder at the thought, i cant take it!! im going crazy!! my parents know i get a bit anxious, but not to the extent that i do.
ive also been really self concious of my weight recently and put on a few stone in the past year, which i am now trying to lose, but i really do feel bad about my body. i do have people that make fun of me at school (not cus of my weight, i know that cus they started it in year 7 and i was actually underweight then) so i dunno if thats knocked my confidence too. ive recently been feeling depressed and down, i dunno if its depression or just a phase im going thru. but i have started cutting, and i kinda do that when i get scared about something else going wrong with my body that the cutting will take my mind off it. or i just do it when im depressed. i dunno.
i also dream of being a singer, i do write my own songs and stuff. i havent told anyone about this cus it seems so ridiculous. i guess thats the least of my worries at the moment thought.
if i dont start to get better soon i dont know what will happen to me, it just seems to be getting worse and worse. i seem fine and happy to everyone outside. i cant talk about this to anyone, i just cant. do i need help? or is it just a phase and me being utterly crazy and stupid? thanks so much for all your help :D
im a 15 year old girl. i have a stable, loving family, and great friends. i have had no deaths in the family and nothing that i can think of that brought all this on.
im so paranoid about things going wrong with my body. for example, if i get a chest pain, i automatically think heart attack. stomach ache, pendicitus or something. headache, brain tumor. you get the point. im soooo scared of the possibility of me dying. the thought of me not existing tortures me, and is slowly driving me to the point where im starting to question why i should live. im also soooo scared whenever i go to the doctors - even when i went up for a routine medication check up a few weeks ago, my heart was racing cus i was so anxious that he would find something wrong with me, even though he wasnt physically checking me. i had a kidney operation when i was 8 months old cus i have a kidney that only works 30%, and i do have to have check ups every few years or so, but the older i get the more scared i am when i go. that applies to all of this, getting older just makes all this worse and worse. my parents say that the doctors were saying that (before i was born) i wud have heart and lung problems (but that wudnt happen) and that i wouldnt live past the age of 20. i dunno if that as had an effect, i cant really tell. i just cant take it anymore. i know that some time in the future i will have to go back to the hosital and docs, and i just shudder at the thought, i cant take it!! im going crazy!! my parents know i get a bit anxious, but not to the extent that i do.
ive also been really self concious of my weight recently and put on a few stone in the past year, which i am now trying to lose, but i really do feel bad about my body. i do have people that make fun of me at school (not cus of my weight, i know that cus they started it in year 7 and i was actually underweight then) so i dunno if thats knocked my confidence too. ive recently been feeling depressed and down, i dunno if its depression or just a phase im going thru. but i have started cutting, and i kinda do that when i get scared about something else going wrong with my body that the cutting will take my mind off it. or i just do it when im depressed. i dunno.
i also dream of being a singer, i do write my own songs and stuff. i havent told anyone about this cus it seems so ridiculous. i guess thats the least of my worries at the moment thought.
if i dont start to get better soon i dont know what will happen to me, it just seems to be getting worse and worse. i seem fine and happy to everyone outside. i cant talk about this to anyone, i just cant. do i need help? or is it just a phase and me being utterly crazy and stupid? thanks so much for all your help :D