abomino13
04-04-2012, 04:43 PM
Welcome Dear Reader,
I am coming to you live, as I am typing within the throws of a major panic/anxiety storm. It is difficult to type as I miss certain keys due to hands shaking. I threw a xanax in and let is melt, nothing yet though. Threw the pulse ox on my finger as I felt I was not getting enough air...it is fine. 98 oxygen and 71 HR. Yet I feel as if I am dying...can you relate? Have you ever decided to write it all out as it happens...live from the fold, the eye of the hurricane if you will. I wonder how did I get to here....how am I at this place again? Have any of you ever sat down and pondered how did I get from there to here?
How did I get from there to here is a question you never stop asking yourself. I just turned 40 and must admit you will find yourself asking that question many more times.
I was 20 years old the first time I said how did I end up here. I had a record deal at 18 and within 6 months the record label folded and my band was shelved. As I sat asking that question it was around 4 am. My fourth day in the middle east. We were going out for the first time into what I can only call the kill zone. I was a recon Marine (not easy to be..watch one of those things on discovery...its ball busting thing to get to do...some dont make it), and we knew within 20 minutes we were leaving for heavy combat. Within 40 we knew we would be in the thick of it. It was an insane time in my life.
I was 30 and landed the job at a large global corporation. My offer letter was for 58 grand plas bonus. I was to run three departments. I was 30 and ten years ago that was a decent starting salary. The company fell to the floor. A global company died..and I died along with it. It was the start of what I would learn was called anxiety, panic and agoraphobia. I was given 6 months pay and collected unemployment as well. It worked out because I became depressed and scared to leave my house...again I asked myself, how the hell did I get here?
I was turning 40 last month in a hotel room alone in columbus ohio at a trade show for my company. I had been hired to build them a corporate sales force. I spent my bday and valentines day alone there. You will love this part. What I didnt know was my wife spent 900.00 on a guitar I wanted for my 40th, she called me as I was leaving and I explained I just dropped 300.00 on clothes at express and american eagle. Upon my return I was greeted by the CEO of this start up company and told the venture capital company that owns the start up decided they wanted a re seller for the software instead of a sales team..after 5 weeks I lost my job....on the train home, I thought how the hell did I get to here?
I picked up a new job within a month. Software sales to c level execs. Life is full of questions that we usually never have the answer for.
I am coming to you live, as I am typing within the throws of a major panic/anxiety storm. It is difficult to type as I miss certain keys due to hands shaking. I threw a xanax in and let is melt, nothing yet though. Threw the pulse ox on my finger as I felt I was not getting enough air...it is fine. 98 oxygen and 71 HR. Yet I feel as if I am dying...can you relate? Have you ever decided to write it all out as it happens...live from the fold, the eye of the hurricane if you will. I wonder how did I get to here....how am I at this place again? Have any of you ever sat down and pondered how did I get from there to here?
How did I get from there to here is a question you never stop asking yourself. I just turned 40 and must admit you will find yourself asking that question many more times.
I was 20 years old the first time I said how did I end up here. I had a record deal at 18 and within 6 months the record label folded and my band was shelved. As I sat asking that question it was around 4 am. My fourth day in the middle east. We were going out for the first time into what I can only call the kill zone. I was a recon Marine (not easy to be..watch one of those things on discovery...its ball busting thing to get to do...some dont make it), and we knew within 20 minutes we were leaving for heavy combat. Within 40 we knew we would be in the thick of it. It was an insane time in my life.
I was 30 and landed the job at a large global corporation. My offer letter was for 58 grand plas bonus. I was to run three departments. I was 30 and ten years ago that was a decent starting salary. The company fell to the floor. A global company died..and I died along with it. It was the start of what I would learn was called anxiety, panic and agoraphobia. I was given 6 months pay and collected unemployment as well. It worked out because I became depressed and scared to leave my house...again I asked myself, how the hell did I get here?
I was turning 40 last month in a hotel room alone in columbus ohio at a trade show for my company. I had been hired to build them a corporate sales force. I spent my bday and valentines day alone there. You will love this part. What I didnt know was my wife spent 900.00 on a guitar I wanted for my 40th, she called me as I was leaving and I explained I just dropped 300.00 on clothes at express and american eagle. Upon my return I was greeted by the CEO of this start up company and told the venture capital company that owns the start up decided they wanted a re seller for the software instead of a sales team..after 5 weeks I lost my job....on the train home, I thought how the hell did I get to here?
I picked up a new job within a month. Software sales to c level execs. Life is full of questions that we usually never have the answer for.