Feeling like I'm going insane tonight

[uneasy30]

Hi all,

I'm relatively new to the forum. I'm having a really rough evening, feeling anxious and depressed, and I don't know how I'll ever sleep tonight.

A little background.... I had a miscarriage a little over a month ago. My baby's father (I guess my boyfriend?) lives .a couple hours away. Our relationship was very new when I became pregnant (unexpectedly) and we've been through a lot. I have broken up with him a couple times... once before the pregnancy and once after the miscarriage. We have been talking again regularly and I was planning to go.see him for a few days this week because I'm on vacation.

Well, I've been nervous that all he cares about is having sex and, while I want to see him, I'm having second thoughts. I feel that he doesn't call me as often as he used to and that I'm doing more of the calling. I tried calling him tonight and he didn't answer and never got back in touch with me. So I'm freaking out. I worry about what he wants. I have told him not to waste my time. That's something I'm so scared of - wasting time caring for him. I've been through so much alone and I feel so lonely. I have nobody to talk to. He has told me he's there for me, but where is he now?

I feel like I'm literally going crazy. I wish I knew what to do. Maybe I should note I have very recently started birth control pills and I'm wondering if they have a part in how I'm feeling.

[tommyf]

Hi, sorry you are having a rough time and the miscarriage must have been really tough. Hang in there as you are doing so well with what you have to cope with at the moment. You are not going crazy, there is just a lot of "stuff" going round in your head at the moment so its natural you will feel overwhelmed. At times it felt like my mind was spinning out of control and that I was going crazy but it does pass, it just needs to be processed. Simple, calm abdominal breathing can really help to relax you as it counter acts the fight or flight response we get into when we are wound up. It can take a little time to work but stick with it.

Ok so with this guy, go with your instincts, what do YOU want?? Do you want to spend time worrying about whether he is going to call or not? Or do you want to work on empowering yourself so that you feel strong, centered and that you deserve to have all the happiness you want? Look at it this way, what would you say to a close friend who was in the same situation?

Get in touch anytime,

big hug

[laurandisorder]

Hi honey, I'm sorry that you have been through a lot of awful stuff lately. It's no wonder that you're anxious and feeling down.

My own experience with birth control - the pill or anything that messes with my hormones is that it makes me very, very depressed and emotional. I don't know if there is something wrong with me hormonally, but anything I try makes me a miserable wreck. I also had problems keeping the pill down and would get physically ill at least 2-3 times a week, which kind of negates the efficiency of birth control.

My partner begged me to come off birth control after my last trial - the nuvaring, which was supposed to be low dose. We have no plans to have kids, but have had to arrange alternative contraception- which sucks.

Like any medication birth control is different for everyone and my circumstances are unusual, but I couldn't stand feeling emotional and sad ALL the time. That's what I am on anti depressants for!

I hope you're feeling a bit better soon. Have you considered doing some counselling?

[uneasy30]

Thanks for the responses. I did finally calm down and got some sleep. But I feel very sad and lonely right now. A friend advised me to give him some space and to basically stop expecting him to fix me. I do have a lot of insecurity. In spite of her advice I'm having a hard time not taking him not calling personally and feeling hurt. I'm having a hard time not seeing it as him not being there for me. He has said he wants to be there for me and to call anytime, but how can I call now when I feel hurt? Plus it will all make me look even more insecure. I'm thinking I'll go and see him and see how things go, even though I'm terrified.

I have no clue what I would say to someone in my situation honestly.

I do wonder about if this birth control is adding to my issues. Maybe I should call my Dr? But really what set IR off was him not calling and my mind going a million different directions with it. So I don't think it's just the birth control.

I am looking into getting some counseling actually.