Hi

[MsMichie]

I'm new to this forum. I have been on other forums a few years ago when I was a teenager. Feeling awful the past two days. I hate it- life. But I have no way of stopping the pain. All my options suck. Most likely they all mean getting admitted to mental ward and making my whole family go nuts. I can't figure out why I act like this. Is it just the stress of two school courses that make me want to stop and drop out of life?! It sure seems so. That doesn't negate the fact that I am crazy and should call off my wedding because my fiancé has no idea what he's signing up for. And then live in a hole somewhere far away until I die from starvation or disease.

Hey, at least my parents and I are often on the same page. Whether or not my fiancé actually wants me as a wife, he damn well doesn't want an ineffective lazy ass that can't get out of bed. So once he realizes that I'm more abnormal than a dependable partner, he'll slowly find his way out.

[ez86]

I'm sorry. Reading your post really showed how bad of a place you are in. I know it doesn't seem like it, but you can get better and not necessarily in a mental ward. Are you doing anything (doctors, meds, meditation, exercise) right now to work through this?

If not, there is a lot of support here for you on this forum.

[MsMichie]

Hi,

Thanks for the reply. I managed to calm down some especially because my fiancé needed a ride somewhere and I had to look sane for that. But he realizes I go nuts every year around April because of school and so when I told him I was having a bad day he didn't make me feel bad about it. He just says it like it is. It's probably stress from school. Then by spending time in the condo with him I somehow felt more sane. Did a bit of homework. My project is due Tuesday and my supervisors likely pissed that I avoid her like the plague. I'm nowhere near prepared for the project and I still have no idea how or if I'll graduate.

I have fits of insanity every once in a while. I guess I have to learn to deal and somehow figure out a plan of action for when i have the insane fits.No way do I want to increase my meds dose, I hate doing that, I want to get off the meds eventually if anything.