Jeordie
01-08-2007, 07:44 AM
Here's the deal.
I just want my condition to have a name. I know I'm anxious and have many psychosomatic symtoms, but I would rather think this is epilepsy, or something else I don't know because I'm not a doctor! And I know I can't be a doctor of myself, which doesn't make me that hypocondriac.
I feel this is not simply anxiety. Shouldn't I trust myself anymore? Well, maybe this would be worse than having a bad illness. Not being able to trust what I feel.
Tonight I woke up convinced I was going to die soon. My mind kept telling me I was going to die. But I was also sleepy and slept over the anxiety: I was feeling dizzy, my head like it wasn't straight.
I woke this morning feeling in a similar way. It didn't pass! I'm still dizzy, my head feels strange, heavy, bad, not straight, I'm afraid I'm going to pass out one moment or another.
I would like to be in a hospytal so that somebody would take my condition seriously and although I wouldn't have much hope I'll get better, at least I'd know I am sick. A doctor telling me I have something would make me more anxious in a way, but would let me shout "Finally!! Finally somebody believes I have something, finally my feeling sick corresponds to being sick".
This might sound like plain anxiety, friends, but believe me it doesn't feel like such. I KNOW I have something. I don't know what it is, I don't even care. That I have something or not, I don't like living in this way. It's not what I define "life". Being constantly worried, feeling so sick you can't really do anything. When I conquer some hope, like I did yesterday, something comes right away to destroy it. It sucks. Way too much.
I guess this says "Help".
I just want my condition to have a name. I know I'm anxious and have many psychosomatic symtoms, but I would rather think this is epilepsy, or something else I don't know because I'm not a doctor! And I know I can't be a doctor of myself, which doesn't make me that hypocondriac.
I feel this is not simply anxiety. Shouldn't I trust myself anymore? Well, maybe this would be worse than having a bad illness. Not being able to trust what I feel.
Tonight I woke up convinced I was going to die soon. My mind kept telling me I was going to die. But I was also sleepy and slept over the anxiety: I was feeling dizzy, my head like it wasn't straight.
I woke this morning feeling in a similar way. It didn't pass! I'm still dizzy, my head feels strange, heavy, bad, not straight, I'm afraid I'm going to pass out one moment or another.
I would like to be in a hospytal so that somebody would take my condition seriously and although I wouldn't have much hope I'll get better, at least I'd know I am sick. A doctor telling me I have something would make me more anxious in a way, but would let me shout "Finally!! Finally somebody believes I have something, finally my feeling sick corresponds to being sick".
This might sound like plain anxiety, friends, but believe me it doesn't feel like such. I KNOW I have something. I don't know what it is, I don't even care. That I have something or not, I don't like living in this way. It's not what I define "life". Being constantly worried, feeling so sick you can't really do anything. When I conquer some hope, like I did yesterday, something comes right away to destroy it. It sucks. Way too much.
I guess this says "Help".