im fed up

[anxiousmess]

i don't know if the meds i have started could have kicked in already, but i'm sick!

i'm forever doing my own head in, with one illness after the other.
i just need a rant, i think!

in the past month or something, i've gone from being schizophrenic, to paranoid personality disorder, to ocd, to pure o ocd, to anxiety, to epilepsy. there's probably more, but i can't think of them right now!

i can see what iam doing. but during the time i feel i have one of these things, i completely 100% believe it! there is nothing that pulls me away from it. even when i know it's anxiety.

all of this is making me feel like a right numpty! i feel stupid. i have no control over it and it's really starting to bog me down now - i was ok yesterday, (depression wise), so i don't know if it is the meds, or if i am really fed up!

either way, i still don't want to be the way i am. i don't want to be overly concerned with my health. i know it's good to be concerned, but i'm taking it to the next level!

i constantly feel like a bad person - yet i know i'm always nice to people and i always try and do the right thing. i'm so concious about sticking to the law and things like that. i don't understand how i could be a bad person. but i always feel it!

i just feel soo soooo sooooooooooooooooooooooo stupid and pathetic! i even feel pathetic for saying that. my mind just constantly brings me down!

[alankay]

Don't beat yourself up. Put your energy into working with your doc/therapist. Sound like anxiety to me. Alankay

[MainerMikeBrown]

Instead of thoughts controlling you, you have to control your thoughts. However, that can be impossible to do without getting on the right medication(s) first. Fortunately, there are many pills out there. So if the meds you're on now aren't doing a good job, look at the bright side. For years, I was on different meds, and they either didn't work or they half-worked. But now the medication I'm on is working well. And with me being on the right pill, I've found psychotherapy to be more effective than before as a result. The same can happen for you, AnxiousMess.

[ladywillow]

Aw! I am so sorry you feel this way. Anxiety can make us such a wreck. Just remember you aren't alone and that you will be fine! It will take time for your meds to kick in, and once they do you can reevaluate. Make sure you take time for yourself and do some relaxation exercises. In fact, every time you want to google an illness walk away from the computer and do a quick relaxation! :)